“Safety Goggles in Our Marriage” : How We Can Incorporate Healthy Approaches and Rules

My husband is a safety officer for construction crews, constantly talking about risks and how to avoid them when working along side his team. These skills can help incorporate healthy approaches and rules for marriage. Even with all these reminders, procedures, and approaches to prevent injuries, workers still end up needing medical help. The crew knows the rules, but in the heat of the moment, they sometimes just ignore or downplay the danger and not realize the seriousness it can impact later on.

Guess what?

Marriage is kind of similar in that same aspect. Having clear guidelines can really lower the chance of divorce, but sticking to them is another story. Taking off a stuffy hard hat when it’s scorching hot feels good right away, just like the quick relief of yelling at your spouse. We all slip up and say something way too harsh sometimes.

Let’s be honest, most of us hate having to apologize after we’ve messed up. If your partner starts fighting dirty, you might feel weak or pushed around, which makes you want to fight back just as badly. It’s our emotions that can play a big role in relationships and how they can influence our relationship. When having negative emotions it can influence more negative behavior, such as interrupting, shutting down, and criticizing each other. While positive emotions show better results in the relationship, show casing a sense of stability and satisfaction. It is important to remind ourselves that emotions are a high influence as they can bring the bad the good the ugly and the pretty as they impact our relations.

it’s hard to admit one’s own part in an argument because you’re afraid it’ll some how let your partner off the hook, kind of enabling their bad behavior. Just like a construction site needs safety gear, your marriage could use one or two simple tweaks. Putting these in place could totally save you a trip to a marriage counselor. Let’s look at two basic ones:

• Watch Your Volume & Tone: Nice words like “I love you” can sound awful if you deliver them defensively or sarcastically. In a committed relationship, you need to promise to keep things gentle and open. That means sharing your thoughts and feelings without being hurtful.
• Own Your Mistakes: Being in a partnership means you both have to show up. If you played even a tiny part in the problem, own up to it. That intense desire for your partner to admit fault is usually just a competitive game, not a sign of real partnership.

Making It Happen

When dealing with these issues, the key is to use non-defensive & non-passive language. Once you’ve both cooled down, you do not need to stay silent; which is another super common “safety violation” in marriage. Instead, ask for changes that work for both of you. The solution shouldn’t just be your way or your partner’s way; try to find common ground whenever you both can!

These protective “safety rules” might seem simple, but are incredibly powerful for protecting the both of you in your relationship. The next time you disagree, admit your own contribution and recognize you do not need all the answers. Become curious and wear your “safety hat” to see how your partner feels and view things as they may be different from how you view things. Aim for a win-win solution always as your spouse is a teammate and player, most importantly not your enemy. 

Communication in marriage can be difficult and you are not alone. Therapy can be a useful tool and outlet for strengthening your marriage. Reach out today to schedule an appointment and take the first step towards a happier marriage!