Transform Your Life: Make Coping Tools Work for You
Understand Coping Tools
Most mental health professionals will encourage clients to “use your coping tools”. Many clients
reply, “I didn’t remember my coping tools at the time.” There are some wonderful lists that we
can access, books have been written, advice can be found galore. But how does the average
“Joe or Jo” remember them and incorporate coping tools in our daily lives?
What if we approach coping and changing our mood, attitude and responses to stress like we
approach any other challenging, but helpful skill? We practice it --- almost every day. When my
son wanted to learn to play guitar, he didn’t sit at his instructors’ feet and listen to a lecture on
how it should be played. He toughened up his fingertips, one stroke at a time. The same action
applies to every sport—shoot baskets almost every day if you want to become an excellent
basketball player. In our educational system we teach basic principles—adding layers of
complexity every school year. We would never expect a first grader to understand complex
math (or any other topic). We would like them to be able to understand what it means to add
and subtract.
Applying Coping Tools to Our Daily Life
Every adult has already developed lifelong daily “attempts to cope” with every struggle that comes our way, possible destructive or ineffective habits. We watched how our parents and other role models reacted to stress. We incorporated what seemed good or effective at the time and we have all spent a lifetime of trying to cope based on what we learned. The problem is that in a child’s perspective, a screaming adult might appear effective, or at least powerful in getting their way. As a teen, we may have decided to trash anything that authority had to offer and unfortunately thrown out the good coping tools along with what we disliked. With our partners, we likely react like what we saw growing up—and for some of us “The Simpsons” and “Married with Children” (or other sarcastic sit-coms) were the role models of the day .So how do we change these habits? You may consider talking to your therapist or support group about your struggles to follow through with positive intentions. Perhaps you could practice some in session. It’s called “role playing” when the other person helps you practice desired behaviors. Listen to or read daily broadcasts that are helpful and encouraging for positive change. Chose this over doom scrolling or looking to unachievable comparisons. One of my favorite ways to learn new coping tools is to pay attention to your body when you feel not stressed and focus on allowing yourself to “go there” often, multiple times per day. Some people achieve this through exercise, yoga, or physical movements, like walking in nature. Others do better when they read, meditate or listen—perhaps through your spiritual practice.
The G.L.A.D. Technique
Many of my clients have enhanced their lives through the GLAD technique. For me, when I ride in the car with family, we all share something about which we’re Grateful, something we are Learning (maybe from a recent mistake), a very small Accomplishment (and we celebrate that together), and anything that brought us recent Delight. I encourage us all to cultivate a daily habit or remembering there are positives in our lives, in the midst of a stressful world. To learn more about implementing coping tools in your daily life, call or text our office to schedule with a therapist today.
